


Apologize

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Dean Being an Asshole, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 11:10:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3527045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas was walking around aimlessly, his hands stuffed in his pockets and a cigarette dangling from his lips. It was far too cold for him to be outside, especially since he was only wearing a pair of basketball shorts, a flimsy white t-shirt and a pair of flip flops. He hadn't had time to change; he had just needed to get away from the house as soon as possible - to get away from Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apologize

Cas was walking around aimlessly, his hands stuffed in his pockets and a cigarette dangling from his lips. It was far too cold for him to be outside, especially since he was only wearing a pair of basketball shorts, a flimsy white t-shirt and a pair of flip flops. He hadn't had time to change; he had just needed to get away from the house as soon as possible - to get away from Dean.

-

They had had a huge argument. Dean had been acting suspicious for weeks - he would always walk out of the room when he got a phone call, he would return home at ridiculous hours and then leave again a few hours later when he thought Cas was sleeping. Cas was getting tired of Dean's behavior. He was perched on their bed, waiting for Dean to get out of the shower. He hadn’t meant to look but he couldn’t help but notice the glow radiating from his boyfriends phone, indicating a new message. He knew that it was a stupid thing to do, he was acting like a possessive boyfriend, but he was curious - he wanted to know what was going on with Dean. When he looked through the messages on Dean’s phone he hadn't found anything out of the ordinary, he felt awful for thinking that Dean would so much as look at somebody else. Well, that was until he got bored of waiting for Dean and ended up skimming through the pictures on his phone. He stumbled across some pictures of his ex-girlfriend. For a second he ignored it, thinking they were old pictures and that Dean had just forgotten to delete them off of his phone, but then he kept looking through, finding more and more pictures of Amy. He studied the pictures more closely; she was spread out across a bed, completely naked and gazing up at the camera with what Cas assumed to be a seductive look on her face, though it made him want to gag.

He was suddenly hit with the realization that Dean must have taken the pictures himself; he was with her. It only took him a few more seconds after that to realize that she was laying in his and Dean's bed - the very bed that they had brought together only a few months beforehand. He could feel the bile rising in his throat and immediately threw the phone down onto the floor, hearing the screen of the phone crack as he did so. Cas stared at the phone that now lay beneath him, not knowing how to react. 

Minutes later he heard the shower turn off and he immediately grabbed his phone off of the bed side table, shoved some flip flops on and raced out of the door, not wanting to face Dean.

Dean was fully aware of how much it had hurt Cas last time - it had taken him almost a year to begin to completely trust him again, for them to get back to normal. This is the last time he would hurt Cas, he wasn’t going to take him back, not this time. He has completely broken Cas over the past five years of their relationship; He was beginning to believe that he didn’t even care for him anymore. He used to constantly tell Cas how much he loved him but lately he never hears him say those words, he can’t even remember the last time he told Cas he loved him. Cas told Dean every day, though he barely even gets a reply anymore.

There have been plenty of times where Cas had threatened to leave, where he had packed his bags and was ready to walk out of the door, but then he would pull Cas back into his arms and give a long speech about how much he needed him and how he couldn’t bare to live without him. Cas believed him at the time, too naïve to see that he didn’t care about him at all; he just didn’t want to be alone. Dean has always hated being on his own. He has always had somebody, ever since he was fourteen years old. He hadn’t been faithful to any of his previous partners; Cas don’t know why he was so stupid as to believe that he was different to any of the others.

-

Cas was perched on the rail of a bridge, watching as the cars sped by below him. He had been gone for almost five hours and it was nearing six in the morning. Dean had been calling non-stop and he had been ignoring him, just wanting to be alone. He had obviously told Sam and Gabriel that Cas hadn't returned home - they had also called to ask where he was, but he just blocked them out and switched off his phone. Knowing them, they had probably got a search warrant out looking for him by now, and he knew that he should probably call them back to tell them that he was okay, but he can’t be bothered. He didn’t know what he was going to do in the morning. He knew that he would have to return home eventually, no matter how much he didn’t want to, but he figured that he could postpone seeing Dean again for a few days. He thought of crashing at Sam’s for a couple of nights, but he would most definitely tell Dean where he was - he could never keep his mouth shut. After a couple of minutes of contemplating where he could stay, he decided to try his luck with Gabriel. He hated having guests, for reasons unknown to anyone, but maybe if he explained his situation he would let Cas stay with him for a few days. He let out a deep sigh and pushed himself off of the rail with shaky hands. It was bitterly cold outside, and he was pretty sure that after being outside in the freezing cold dressed only in shorts and a t-shirt for five hours he had caught some kind of illness. He wriggled his toes and fingers, attempting to warm them up. His lips were dry and chapped with all of the hairs on his arms and legs standing up. With another sigh he started making my way towards Gabriel’s house, ignoring the sharp pains that shot through his feet.

-

Cas looked up at Gabriel’s house and noticed that all of his lights were off. He groaned at the realization that he was most probably asleep and pulled his phone out of his back pocked, turning it on to check the time.

6:03am

He walked up to the door and rang the bell a couple of times, hoping that that would be enough to wake him up. After ringing his bell for a few minutes he tried calling him, but Gabriel didn’t pick up. He took a step back and looked up at the bedroom window; it was open. He tried to call out his name, but his teeth wouldn't stop chattering. He walked back up to the door again and banged on it as hard as he possibly could. He felt a rush of relief when he saw his bedroom light turn on. He could hear him thrashing around in his house, obviously trying to get dressed as quickly as possible. He heard his footsteps rushing down the stairs and then saw the door handle jiggle; The door flung open. He was wearing a pair of tracksuit bottoms with not shirt, his hair was flat and he had a scowl on his face. As soon as he set his eyes on his little brother his face softened and then he jumped forward, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him into the house. He slammed the door shut behind them and pushed Cas away by the shoulders, looking him up and down with an expression of concern evident on his face.

“Fuck, Castiel. Where the hell have you been? Jesus man, your lips are blue.” He whispered, taking a close look of Cas’ face and running his thumb across his pale skin. Cas couldn't reply to him, his body was shaking uncontrollably and his teeth were chattering so loudly that he could barely hear himself think.

“I'm going to go call Dean, okay? He can come pick you up. He’s been worried sick about you, you know that? He’s probably still out there looking for you right now.” Cas’ eyes went wide at the mention of Dean’s name and he reached his arm out, grabbing Gabriel when he turned to go to the phone. He spun his whole body back around to face Cas, raising one of his eyebrows and jutting his bottom lip out.

“What’s wrong?” He questioned, his face holding a look of total confusion.

“Don’t call him, please.” Cas sobbed, unable to hold back the tears. He fell to the ground, gripping handfuls of his own hair, rocking his body backwards and forwards. Gabriel must have thought he was crazy, turning up on his doorstep at 6 in the morning after he had been missing all night and then having some kind of mental breakdown right in front of him.

Gabriel looked down at him with his mouth ajar, unsure of what to do.

“What happened?” He stuttered, walking over to Cas and taking a seat next to his trembling body. He wrapped one of his arms around his brother’s shoulder and pulled him in, letting him cry into his chest.

“He doesn’t love me anymore.” Cas screeched, pushing his head into Gabriel’s neck and letting out another sob.

“Why would you even think such a thing, Cas? Of course he loves you. He’s worried sick about you right now; he thinks you’ve left him.” He said, craning his neck so that he could look at the younger man.

Cas shook his head and clenched his eyes shut.

“No he doesn’t, if he loved me then he wouldn’t be sleeping with Amy.”

Gabriel’s breath was caught in his throat - he didn’t know what to say - he couldn't believe that Dean would cheat on Cas, he thought he knew better than that.

“How do you know?” He asked, tilting his head to the side and looking down at Cas’ face that was still resting on his chest. He was reluctant to believe him.

“There were pictures on his phone.”

“Shit, Cas! I’m so sorry, I had no idea. Do you want to stay with me? I can set up the spare room.” He stammered out, looking down at him with wide eyes, not knowing how to comfort him. He nodded his head, a frown still fixed on his face. Gabriel tugged on his bottom lip and jumped up off the floor, pulling Cas up with him.

-

Cas had insisted that Gabriel stayed with him until he fell asleep. Gabe made him some hot chocolate, tucked him into bed and then sat with him until he was sure that he was okay. He let him sleep in his own bed with him, but as soon as he had closed his eyes Gabriel rushed into the study and picked up the phone, dialing Dean’s number. He picked up after the first ring.

“Gabriel? Did you find him? Is he okay?” Dean shouted. Gabriel could hear the traffic in the background and he let out a groan. He couldn’t let him stay out all day looking for Cas when he was with him, but if he told him that Cas was okay he knew that Dean would be over like a shot.

“Gabe, are you there?” Dean asked with desperation in his voice.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m here. I found him Dean, he’s fine.” Gabriel said. He knew that he couldn’t leave him wandering the streets.

“Oh, thank god. I’m coming over right now.” Gabriel tried to protest but Dean had hung up the phone before he could get a single word out.

“Fuck.” He shouted, slamming the phone down.

-

Dean arrived 10 minutes later. He had a huge smile on his face and Gabriel cringed, knowing that he wouldn’t be smiling for much longer. He ran down the driveway and straight towards the doorway where Gabriel was standing. He tried to walk past him but Gabe stood his ground, not letting him through the door.

“Where is he?” Dean asked, the smug grin never leaving his face. Gabe could tell how relieved he was, he had been out of his mind with worry. He called him to say that Cas had left the house without telling him where he was going, which was unusual for Cas seeing as he and Dean were practically joined at the hip. He was in such a state when he called, he was in tears, he had though that Cas had left him because he had done something wrong, and he had been right.

“He doesn’t want to see you.” Gabe said sternly. He wasn’t going to be kind to Dean, not after what he’d done.

Cas is one of the most sensitive people Gabe knew, and Dean knows that better than anyone else. He gets upset over little things, so this was going to kill him. Dean’s smile finally faltered and panic flashed through his eyes.

“C’mon man, let me see him.” Gabriel shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. He wasn’t going to budge.

“Look Dean, I only called to tell you he was safe, so you can leave now. He doesn’t want to see you.”

His face fell.

“Why doesn’t he want to see me?” He asked, looking down at his shoes and shuffling his feet around. He looked like a child being scolded by his parent.

Gabriel raised his eyebrows at him and gave him a disapproving look; he knows exactly what he has done wrong.

Gabe couldn’t understand why he did it, especially with his ex-girlfriend. Everyone knows how self-conscious Cas is, and the main reason for that being Amy. She and Dean had been together for two years; she was the first person that Dean had ever truly loved, and that made Cas anxious. Every year Amy would come back to California to visit for a few weeks, and for those few weeks that she was back no one would see or hear from Dean. For the first three years of Dean and Cas’ relationship, Dean had always seen Amy whilst she was back, but he had stopped when he realized how much it upset his boyfriend. He would still see Amy when she returned, but he would always tell Cas when he was going to see her and he would never stay the night.

“Why did you do it, Dean?” Gabriel asked him, venom dripping off of his every word. Dean was lucky that Cas had come to him instead of Sam, if Sam knew about this he would surely kick Dean’s ass. Everyone was very protective of Cas; he’s the most sensitive one of the group. He craved affection and they would all gladly give it to him.

“I don’t know.” Dean whispered, his voice cracking slightly. Gabriel couldn’t see his face but he could tell that he was about to cry. Dean sniffled and Gabe let out a bitter laugh.

“You don’t know? Really, Dean, is that the best you can come up with?” He didn’t reply, so Gabe continued speaking, “Do you even care about him?” He screeched, uncrossing his arms and clenching his fists, ready to hit him.

Dean visibly flinched when he heard those words and his head shot up.

“Of course I fucking care about him Gabriel, why would you even ask me that?”

“Well you don’t act like it.” He was about to continue when he heard a soft voice call his name from behind.

“Gabe?” Cas murmured. “Who’s at the door?” Gabe snapped his head in cas’ direction.

“Go back to bed, babe. I’ll be up in a minute.” He said, pushing the door so that it was half way shut.

“Who’s at the door?” He repeated, trying to look over his brother’s shoulder. Gabriel tried to push the door shut completely but Dean barged his way through before he could stop him.

“Cas.” Dean spoke softly, slowly making his way over to where he was standing. Gabe stepped in front of Cas, blocking him from Dean’s view.

“Get out.” He demanded, pointing a finger towards the door. Dean ignored him and kept stepping closer towards them.

“Dean.” Gabe said sternly, hoping he would just turn around and leave, he wasn’t in the mood to fight with him right now.

“It’s okay, Gabriel.” He heard Cas say behind him. He placed one of his hands on his arm and made his way around. They stared at each other for a moment, just taking each other in. Gabe was beginning to feel uncomfortable and let out a cough to remind them both that he was still in the room. They both turned towards him.

“Oh, um, let’s go talk upstairs, if that’s alright with Gabe.” Cas stuttered. Gabe hesitated, unsure of whether he should trust them alone together but caved in as soon as he saw Cas’ eyes pleading with his own. He let out a huff before nodding at them, telling them that it was okay. He anxiously watched as they walked up the stairs, Dean following along behind Cas like a lost puppy.

-

Neither of them spoke, they just sat on opposite sides of the bed in silence, not knowing what to say to one another.

Cas was furious with Dean; he didn’t understand how he could do that to him, with Amy of all people.

“I was worried sick about you.” He said, reaching a hand out to touch Cas’ leg. Cas squirmed away from his touch; he didn’t want his hands anywhere near him, not after they had been touching her. Dean frowned when he noticed his boyfriend move away and tried to play it off as if he was stretching. If the situation had of been slightly different, Cas would have laughed at him, but right now he just wanted to get away.

He hated to admit it, but when he saw him walk into the house he had felt a rush of excitement. He was happy that Dean cared enough to come and see him, and he stupidly thought that it would be a good idea for them to talk things through.

“Okay.” Cas answered awkwardly, looking everywhere but where he was sitting.

“I was looking for you all night, I thought you left me.” He said, letting out a nervous chuckle.

Cas felt sick. He could feel the bile rising up in his throat. His eyes were stinging from the tears that were threatening to fall.

“Why did you do it?” He asked him quietly, wanting to get straight to the point. Dean’s body tensed.

“I really don’t know, Cas.” He said. “It was just a stupid mistake. It will never happen again, I promise.” He pleaded, reaching his arm out again. This time Cas let it rest on his thigh. He stared down at the hand on his leg; his vision was blurry due to the tears that were building. He didn’t want to cry in front of Dean, he didn’t want him to know the power that he held over him.

“That’s what you said last time, Dean.” He hissed.

“I know, baby.” He sighed, “But I will never do it again, I swear to god.” Cas could tell by his voice that he was starting to panic, it was getting higher in pitch and he was speaking at a faster pace.

“You’re right, Dean, it won’t happen again. I’m not going to let it happen again.” Cas said. Dean’s eyes widened as he opened and closed his mouth a few time, trying to think of something to say.

“You don’t mean that, you’re just angry right now, baby, and you have every right to be.” Dean pushed his body right up next to Cas’ and grabbed his face in his hands.

“I’m serious Dean, I can’t do this anymore.” Tears were streaming down his face and Cas could feel some running down his own cheeks.

Dean shook his head and chewed on the inside of his cheek, trying to hold back his sobs.

“You can’t leave me, Cas. I love you.” He cried out desperately, pulling his face so close that their noses were touching.

“I’m so sorry, Dean.” He whispered before leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss upon his lips.

Dean gripped his hand onto the hair at the back of Cas’ head, trying to make the kiss last as long as possible. Cas lifted his hand up and pushed on Dean’s arm, causing him to release the death grip that he had on him.

“I love you, Dean.” Cas said one last time, softly rubbing their noses together. “But I can’t do this anymore.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have a thing for cheating!dean i’m rly sorry ah


End file.
